That moment of relief, when you realise that 2016, is, in fact, coming to an end. And you survived it, motherfucker. LIKE A BOSS!
In a moment that feels like that end scene of a horror movie, where only a few survive the saga, we who remain are finally able to say, “toodles, motherfucker” to 2016.
This year has been, for all intents and purposes, THE WORST YEAR I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IN A LONG TIME!
This year has been the perfect example of why everyone – EVERYONE – needs primal scream therapy.
This year has been the year we had to say goodbye to so many brilliant people. On top of which, we have to welcome an orange, oompa-loompa POS named Drumpf. Which means that not only have we had to say good-bye to those who have made a huge impact on our lives, but we can also say “g’bye” to hope, and any semblance of respect for this country.
Sound overly dramatic? I beg to differ.
This year has put the sentiment – in stereo surround-sound – that this country is comfortable with having a sexually offensive con-artist bigot as the leader of America. Who hopes to soon be besties with a Russian villain. Good times.
I darenot call this land the United States. If we were any more divided, we’d be a math problem. So far, we’re just a problem.
As we walk away from ’16 with our arms raised high above our heads, middle fingers extended, bad-karaoke-singing “Tainted Love”, and walk towards 2017 bracing ourselves for a four year shitstorm with a mongrel demon who has already scaled down a wall to a potential fence (No shit, he actually said he’d consider a fence! A FUCKING FENCE!), I feel it necessary to make a list of potential “walls” (or “fences”) I’d like to put up.
AKA my list of New Years’ resolutions:
- Leave New York City
- I’m pretty sure this really is going to happen, though. This is probably going to be happening in about a month or two. I love this city. Always have, always will, with no equivocations. But my wallet and I have been having a love/hate affair for far too long. I’d like to get it back to love/like-frequently-enough-to-not-seem-cold-and-lonely status. Lofty aspirations, I’ll admit. But hey, dare to dream, right? Right.
- Do more writing than I do reading
- Even if my writing is about what I’m reading. I want to hone my skills so that I can be a better, sharper writer, and potentially get a book published this year. I have multiple story lines I’ve been working on, but nothing I’ve been able to finish, and it’s doing my head in. With blogging, it helps my creative juices get flowy-flowy, instead of standy-standy. The only thing that should be standy-standy is mannequins. And let’s face it, if you look at some of the mannequins in Manhattan, those fuckers are creepy. Weird faces all bright-eyed and smiley. Don’t blink, Angel. Don’t. Blink. I digress. I thoroughly enjoy writing. It’s therapeutic, cathartic, an art form all it’s own. Carrie Fisher has been a favourite author for decades, and her advice to “stay afraid, but keep going” is my official mantra-cum-springpad for my future writing endeavours. She kept me laughing, even during my darker days. If I can pay that forward to others, all the better. She is definitely an inspiration, regardless of what world she’s in now.
- Lose Weight
- Ahhhhh, yes! The resolution with such ubiquity, it has it’s own cashflow demographic. Just exclude the whole -yoga-instructor-murder bit, because murder is hard to get away with if you’re not a politician.
- Drinking water is an important aspect of losing the weight. I don’t drink nearly enough, I know, but it takes water to make coffee. That’s a start, right? Right? Don’t smirk at me, you little punk. I require validation here!
- Condense My Clutter/Minimalise the Mess
- Title’s catchy, no? Alright, fine, it’s got more cheese than a dairy addict’s birthday party, but it’s still self-explanatory and easy to remember. My bedroom is a massive black hole of papers and documents that require filing, storing and scanning on a memory card, then getting rid of the paper for all eternity. And smiling while I do it. Big smiles. For long amounts of time. Psychotic Smiling. Don’t make any sudden movements, motherfucker.
These are my primary resolutions for now, but it’s only the morning. There may be some amendments later in the day.